Dear Stranger

 

Your words saved my life. I doubt you know it but they did. You see, I have chronic depression.I was out running errands like any other Tuesday, but depression was winning. This Tuesday as I picked up the millionth gallon of milk from the store, I debated what pills were in my house, which combination would be the quickest easiest way to die. Which one would leave the least mess for my family to clean up.

 

You see so many things have gone wrong in my life. I have gone from failure to failure. Abusive relationship to horrible isolating loneliness even when surrounded by a room full of people.

I have wonderful kids, a loving husband and still all I see is how I screw up every single day. 

 

Each night I cry feeling like I will never be good enough. Never be the mom my kids deserve, the wife my husband craves. It effects every aspect of my life, I go through the motions feeling like I will never ever be enough.

 

You may never know but, YOU saved my life. As I stood in line at the grocery store, not making eye contact with anyone, waiting my turn you told me I had beautiful hair, when I looked up into your eyes you smiled and said I had beautiful eyes too. You saw my little boy in the cart and said he looked so much like me, my son smiled and greeted you, and you said I was a wonderful parent for teaching him to talk to others in such a grown up way.

 

This tiny moment from your reminded me, that maybe not everything is so bad. Not everyone outside my family is awful and most of all you showed me I do something right. I thanked you,then checked out, you smiled and waved while we walked out of the store. When I took my son from the cart and put him in his seat in the car he looked at me and said that he loved me and that I was beautiful. 

 

For a moment I made that connection with not just him but with the world. For just a moment I believed maybe I could stay another day. 

 

It has been years since this day.

 

Sometimes when I feel like taking pills, or driving off a cliff, I take a moment and remember you, and I think of my kids, and my husband. I still remember your kind face your sweet voice and wish I had gotten your name. I never saw you again but you changed me that day with you simple heart kindness, with the connection you made.

 

Thank you.